Yesterday started out to be a great day, truly it did. The city is starting to take on that magical holiday feel. The 57th Street UNICEF Snowflake is dangling at the intersection of Fifth Avenue, and I saw my doorman dancing to "Last Christmas". And then ... Wham!! (yes pun intended :) ) My happy mood went out the door as fast as you can say, "Gaily they ring!"
I must have been insane to think a Personal Ad in New York Magazine would be beneficial, and I must have been insane to sign up for the online dating and Facebook aspect of said ad. I just don't to personal social networking. It's a recipe for disaster. To believe I could meet someone through online dating or any other profile ad was sheer stupidity. What was I thinking!? And I ask that question with a HUGE exclamation point.
I'll tell you what I was thinking ... I wasn't! I had a friggin' typo in my ad (yes Charlotte, I admit I made a mistake!) That's what I get for not proofreading. I might be a list maker, but that doesn't mean I'm an expert speller. I messed up and by the end of the night, I had twenty-six responses from twenty-two women, two trans-sexuals, and two cross-dressers. One guy even wanted me to dress as a man because he loved to role play while he was dressed as a woman.
To make matters a whole lot worse than they initially appeared, since I had been so popular with my ad, it was selected - picture and all - for the front page of NewYorkMetro.com. I subsequently received three phone calls from colleagues and clients who were quite surprised to read that I had come out of the closet! One of whom wanted to set me up with her sister. It seems everyone is matchmaking this holiday season.
Charlotte was no help in alleviating the problem. She actually seemed to enjoy teasing me about the whole thing and as you have read from her blog post last night I will never live this down. For the better part of our telephone call, Charlotte sang "Lizzy the Lezzy's Christmas" song. In case you're curious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlKARd9dut8 NSFW!! How does Charlotte even know this stuff?
Sure, what does she care, everyone already thinks she's gay. Let's just hope my mother doesn't get wind of this, she'll think Charlotte's my lover, I'm sure.
Of course I feel really badly about the twenty-six people who pinned their hopes on the fact that I could be their holiday sweetheart. Some even spent good money, buying credits to send me their pictures and 'winks'. Some were quite lovely and friendly - others I'd rather not discuss publicly, but that's the world of dating, isn't it?
Well, instead of my editing the ad, I just deleted it - lock, stock and barrel. I hit the 'no match' button, obviously, on all twenty-six and fought back the huge amount of guilt I had about the whole unfortunate event. Thank God I had a full bottle of chardonnay to help me cope.
In the end, Charlotte and I had a very good laugh about it and the reaction my mother would have if I brought a woman home for Christmas dinner and introduced her as my Lez-boo. I promised Charlotte I would not to be discouraged by this failed attempt. The personal ad was only my first endeavor. There is always success to be had on Thursday when we go speed dating down at The Watering Hole in Gramercy Park.
Now today was a entirely different story. Good luck all around me. I'm excited about my new client and the fundraising campaign we are embarking on. While we agreed to shelve my advertising pitch until 2015, his idea will steamroll ahead fast and furiously. Who knows, maybe this is just what I need. :)
Until then intrepid daters, enjoy our song. Britany Spears "Santa Can't You Hear Me?"
Very brave to admit your minor error. Athough you ARE very cute and I am fast developing a girl-crush on you, so am not surprised at the number of responses to the ad.
ReplyDeleteHope the next try is also successful in terms of quantity...although I hope thereis matching quality. Good luck!
Aw, thank you! Wentworth? Bet you have yourself a hunky Navy man who might object to your girl-crushing. teehee. But I'm so flattered.
DeleteGosh, I'm the worst speller in the world and if my assistant, Amanda isn't there to save my butt, well then anything can happen. Of course can't lie. I try not to at all costs.
Thank you Anne? or Maybe ...you're really the Captain in disguise? Could you be our lone male reader? Big hug either way. :)
HAHAHA, Poor you! I really do hope your mother doesn't catch wind of this. Lydia will probably run across it and gloat!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you will find your Christmas/wedding date soon. How could you not. Just don't be quick to judge everyone you meet.
I hope your future endeavors with your client work out for you! What is the idea?
Elicia
You know Lydia!? What a question ... who doesn't know Lydia? I shouldn't S#@*-talk my sister, but really, she does get around. Her reputation precedes her.
DeleteCharlotte has often accused me of judging men a little too quickly. Frankly, at my next dating attempt, Speed Dating where I only have three minutes, that trait and my lists will definitely come in handy. Here's to hoping.
Thanks for following the blog and encouraging me, Elicia. It's important to have a cheering section. :)
ETA: Forgot to answer. The ad campaign: A hot, steamy, FDNY firefighter 2014 Calendar. Watch the blog for your invitation to the auditions to be held on Saturday, December 7
DeleteWay to stick in the ring, Lizzy! I do think perhaps you should just correct the ad instead of taking it down entirely. You never know who might have seen it and would be interested otherwise if not led to believe differently and replacing the ad would probably fix the problem without even needing to speak on what would be an embarrassing and awkward topic!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the next post on speed dating. I have to give you kudos for attempting that! I would certainly fail at it because I would be quite determined to be displeased with everyone and excuse everyone away, which is not exactly a good quality.
Good luck with the fundraising campaign! I'm looking forward to seeing the auditions! Gracious, loads of steamy FDNY firefighters? I shall go distracted!
Well I like your enthusiasm, Rose. Never give up even if all seems lost. Are you a sports enthusiast? Sounds like you are. I just had to delete it, I wouldn't want anyone to take offense. Imagine all those women who saw my ad and spent money on 'winks' and then the next day I turn up as batting for the 'other' team. That might hurt a bit, right? Trust me, it's better this way. But I'm looking forward to speed dating - well kind of, actually. I am a bit nervous, but my sister is lending me one of her special designer dresses. That's a plus, too!
DeleteThanks for the vote of confidence on the campaign. If only I can mix business with pleasure, but THAT just can't happen. See you tomorrow! ~L
Oh ho! I wonder what my family will do if I brought home a "girlfriend'... I could just roll on the floor laughing!
ReplyDeletehey Kayenne. Laughing is better than what my mother would do. I can almost hear her now, "I KNEW she should have been a boy!" LOL
DeleteLater, chica
Good for omitting your error - the lure of some hot firemen will soon erase the mistake and the chardy hangover.
ReplyDeleteI think you should still hint that you are bringing home a friend at Christmas and what does it matter that they are of the female variety, then turn up with a male hunk (a firefighter might be nice…) that would certainly tell your mom to butt out and may actually silence her for a few moments - or perhaps buy her a calendar?
Buying her a calendar, could be very interesting. Perhaps it might even rekindled the long dead romance between her and my father. Who's to say. Thing is, my mother will want every specific about said date. What he eats, drinks, looks like, tastes, career. She is a TERRIBLE gossip and will need these facts to blab all over Meryton. Sometimes she even makes things up! No, I better not even give her any notion that I'm bringing anyone until the very last minute. It's safer for all involved. Trust me.
DeleteThanks, Ann. I'm so happy that you are following my blog. ~L
Hi! It's my first comment here, but I've been following your blog since the first post :)
ReplyDeleteDon't lose hope, in the end everything will turn out well
I wish you luck in your quest!
Maja
Welcome Maja! What a lovely name. Thanks for the encouragement. Boy do I need it. I'm trying to remain optimistic about my speed dating event on Friday. Charlotte just informed me that the event has a theme in the hopes to attract tall men. I'm happy about that because I'm on the leggy, tall side of things. Anyway the event is entitled "Size Matters" Hmmm... I've heard it does ;)
DeleteI'll let you know! Thank you. ~Liz
Hi Liz! Hey, let's not look at that ad as a complete disaster...now you don't have to meet men for drinks who don't look a thing like their pictures and have more baggage than you could lift with a backhoe. Speed dating sounds more like it. You get to see someone up close and personal, ask your list of questions, answer his and move on. Kind of like a quick sample at whole foods. Now as for the calendar...that sounds really promising! That is unless those guys are already taken. I mean, what more could you want...someone dedicated to saving lives, not to mention, most likely stays in shape to do the job. Who knows, there might be some promising networking on this one...dating-wise. I'm still cheering for you girl! Jen Red
ReplyDeleteI really, really hope that ad is kaput! You know what they say about posting things on the internet! Any way, good luck with the ad campaign I'm a big proponent of posting pictures on the blog!
ReplyDelete