Have you ever felt like you've hit rock bottom? You just know that nothing good can EVER come from being set up on a blind date by your mother. Maybe your mother - but certainly not mine!
Yes, I know - I'm avoiding the issue here. You want to know about The Blind Date. Would it make you happy to know that Mr. J was a nice guy? Not the guy for me, but nice nonetheless. I could easily ignore the huge sticker on his car windshield that read, "Love Machine," because I think it was desperation talking. After all, he recently moved to a town of 2,000 residents, most of whom are between the ages of 50 and 80. Maybe it's a bit of false advertising, hoping to entice the ladies. Look who you're talking to - I know advertising, and he just didn't have either the packaging or the goods to pull off that claim. (I've seen the package on Mr. December) No, no, not THAT PACKAGE, but his "overall" package. Then again, who am I to be in the know? Charlotte has often made the claim that accountants are the best darned lovers around. Who knew?
So, about Mr. J: Tobacco dip is the first thing to put a girl off. Dressing like Paul Bunyan, the second. Liking my mother's meatloaf the last and final straw. Her meatloaf is a ticking time bomb from the moment it exits the oven. Three hours later and you're going boom while doubled over and popping Imodium like it's your best friend. Trust me, I know from experience and the Lucas' swimming pool was it's final destination.
I'm sure Mr. J. was sorry for third helpings, poor man can't afford to lose any more weight. I, on the other hand, stayed clear of both the meatloaf and Mr. J.
The date was a total disaster and not because Mr. J was still on parole or because he referred to himself as the 'Bandit' because he drove a 1977 Trans Am. No, it was because of the simple fact that my sister's lecher of a boyfriend found out about my Personal Ad. He outted me even though there was nothing to out! The scene was ugly - words were flung - accusations made and all along my father stayed silent and laughing as everyone at the table called me 'Lizzy the Lezzy'. Even Mr. J by the end of the night wanted nothing to do with me. Yes, it was a humbling night indeed. As usual, my experience of going home confirmed to me the reason I left in the first place.
I feel badly that my date didn't go well, for the simple fact that Mr. J, like me, is also hoping to find some to spend this magical holiday season with. Surely, he was as disappointed with me as I was with the entire evening.
Well, since I'm being honest here about the ins and 'outs' of dating. I think it's only fair to share with you two things. The first of which is so out of character for me, I just don't know what to do with it. I'm a little depressed. Going home made it so clear just how lonely I really am and while I tried to hold onto any humor, I just couldn't keep my thoughts away from wanting someone or something who might never come along or worse might be out of my reach. And that brings me to the second bit of honesty. I couldn't keep my mind off Mr. December and his smile. There's something behind those piercing blue eyes of his, and it makes me curious. Sure, he's hot (not to mention arrogant and conceited) but there's something below the surface that I can't quite put my finger on. In a word, I'm intrigued. Is he out of my league? Is he like every other guy I meet in Manhattan? What is his true character? I'm not sure of the answers to these questions. All I know is that while I was watching Mr. J pick string bean casserole from his teeth with his greasy pinky fingernail after dinner, I couldn't help but visualize Mr. December's pearly whites smiling at me yesterday. That smile made me feel things I haven't felt in years - Butterflies.
I'll see him tomorrow for the photoshoot. Not Mr. J, but Mr. December. Until I have some answers and resolution to what I am feeling, here is my song. Faith Hill's "Where are You Christmas." Thanks for listening intrepid daters. ~L
Song on YouTube, appropriately from the Grinch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVMaG_n2Z7M
oh... blind date! tee hee.. sorry couldn't help that! But I feel for you. As I've said, I've had my own share of mortifying blind dates... I can only imagine how your mom reacted to that personal ad debacle! Did you get lots of teasing from your sisters?
ReplyDeleteHi Kayenne! You've become my dating buddy here. You've had so many bad experiences. I hope you have had some good ones too. Thank you for always sharing them with me because I feel as though it is not only me going through this. My mother was terrible following the "outting." Rather, I should call it "the shunning." Mr. J left following dessert. Who wouldn't, she served Fruit Cake shaped like a brick, and of the same hard, dry consistency. I am sure that man will have diarrhea tonight. After Lydia and George played all the "Lizzy the Lezzy" videos on YouTube while sitting in the living room, my mother called Charlotte's mother and gave her an earful! It was awful, simply awful. But I did not give into tears on the train back into the city. The Black Widow held it together just long enough to make it home.
DeleteYou should have headed to the club for some kick boxing that surely would have worked out any anger embarrassment etc.
DeleteI wish I could give you a hug :( the best I can do is a virtual hug so to speak I use to do this with the kids when they were away and it always made me feel better :D So here it is: Put your right hand on your left shoulder and Put your left hand on your right shoulder now squeeze tight and hold it for a few. Please know that was from Someone Else Mom to you!
Oh poor girl... give it a good cry tonight and laugh it off silly tomorrow with Charlotte! If it helps, make a night of it with good 'ole Char and frozen margaritas or a bottle of red... I've fancied ones from Chile and Spain of late...
DeleteThank you Anonymous for your virtual hug. I feel it and it feels great. Apart from Jane and Char, I haven't had a hug in quite some time.
DeleteThis last minute hustling for the Foundation's campaign has left me bone tired and yes, cranky, too. Yesterday's auditions knocked me on my butt, so I had no energy to go to the gym. I'll have to wait until Saturday to go, because my week is loaded with events and meetings and trying to get the calendar to print for the launch party on the 20th.
Miss Kayenne, my hot chili pepper friend! I allowed myself a cry as soon as I sat in front of the Christmas tree and looked at my Mr. Knightly ornament. It's not that I want a dh or deep relationship, it's just that going home reminds me of how much I would love to be cared about or share the holidays with someone to laugh with. Maybe take a hansom cab ride through Central Park when it's snowing. Now, I have my Pinot Grigio in hand and I'll be just fine. I wish I did red wine, but it leaves me with a terrible headache. Whites are nice, some fruity, but I do hear that a Spanish Red might not give me a headache! Well, dear thanks for the lift up. I'll let you know how the photoshoot turns out! ~L
Oh my I always refrain from commenting on someones mother but perhaps for Christmas you might consider get her into The Urban Cooking cooking classes? Just a thought I'm surprise none of you have been hospitalized with the binaca "sp" the killer meatloaf etc.
ReplyDeleteBe thankful that your date with Mr J was at your families dining table and were not alone with him. :D I am proud to say I've never set any of my children up on a date. :D I flew into NYC just so I can attend the photo shot I hope I was to presumptuous of me? I still need the directions and a ticket! I'm staying at the the Waldorf Astoria penthouse I thought I splurge a little.
Someone Else Mother
Dear Mom! As usual, you come to my blog with such wisdom with a dash of humor! Thank you. Oy vey, if my mother was sent to Cooking class, that would be a nightmare for all the other students. That darned Binaca goes everywhere with her. She's too far gone!
DeleteMr. J ... harmless really. I don't think I would have needed to worry. There was no way I was getting into that vintage car, so The Love Machine wouldn't have a chance to work its "magic" LOL Poor man. I do hope he finds happiness and meets his "Sally Field."
Unfortunately the photoshoot is not open to the public - except via the news coverage - that is supposed to take place, but if you don't tell anyone, I might be able to sneak you in. I'll send you one of my business cards and a VIP pass with the address. See you in the morning, dear ~L
Thank you dear I just receive my VIP pass my personal concierge was working hard to get me a pass but it just wasn't happening. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. I'll be wearing a Red Velvet dress with white fur around my neck and the hem and cuffs. black belt and boots. My hair is gradually becoming more and more white as well.
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Oh Liz! That sounds like such a rough night! Family can be really difficult to deal with. I know I've struggled with feeling judged and not accepted by my own at times and not understood pretty much my whole life but I still feel guilty if I have less than flattering opinions about them, however much they do not mind saying things to me.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a really good thing for yourself, however hard it is, by putting yourself out there and trying to find someone, even if only for two dates. You are worthy of that and so much more!
It sounds like you might get to run into Mr. December a few more times before the New Year. Maybe it would not hurt to try to keep your mind more open to him. I still think that he might be interested in you and I think he has had enough interaction with you to be attracted to both your beauty as well as your personality. Perhaps he finds you stimulating and unlike other women. Now you only need to find out if he's truly so arrogant and conceited or if there might be more to him.
I agree with SEM, it wounds like a trip to the club to work out some frustration might be a good idea! Don't let this ruin your weekend or your outlook on things!
Hello my friend, Rose, and yes you are my friend. Very well intentioned and you seem to care very much for people. You understand my family dynamic very much. I stopped trying to gain approval from my mother, but I have continued to avoid sharing anything about my life with her lest I open myself up to censure. Case in point, when George outted my ad. That was unlucky.
DeleteYou are caring and sensitive and I venture to guess beautiful. You are a grown woman who should not feel guilt for not measuring up to other's ideals or standards. Right? I'm working on believing that in myself. So we're in the same boat.
Oh Rose, it seems as though Mr. December is a bad penny that keeps showing up. It's hard to discern what his real intent toward me is. I am sure I'm very different from most of the girls he dates. Well, I will see him tomorrow and then at the Calendar Launch Party on the 20th, maybe he will shed a better light upon himself and his character.
So, I'm going to the photoshoot, and will forget all about today's failed dating attempt and visit home. Wish me luck! Thanks for the advice, dear lady ~L
How the heck are you going to get through the bowling date with Mr Goldman Sachs when you can't stop thinking about those piercing blue eyes? Maybe you can mention your personal ad to him -- the fiasco may actually have its benefits!
ReplyDeleteWell, that's a really good question, Mr. December does have beautiful eyes, but I remain firm in that he's quite the conceited guy. Mr. Goldman Sachs seemed really down the earth and had a beautiful smile. I'll focus on him and our date. I'm sure it will be a blast. And I will DIE if he or anyone else finds out about this ad. Thanks Anonymous! ~L
DeleteOh, Lizzy. Don't be depressed because some plaid flannel dressed ex-convict thinks you are gay! You don't want him anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou had Mr. December singing to you in front of hundreds of women. You've got it the whole package, girl. And you deserve finding the whole package yourself.
Have you ever considered that you might intimate men just a little? Smart, pretty, professionally successful, and a great kickboxer? Maybe they feel just as unworthy of you as soon you feel about finding love. I hope you give BOTH your dates a chance. Just show the sweet wonderful person that you are.
Oh no, Liz!!! I'm crying on this end of cyber space. And when I played little Cindy Lou singing "Where are you Christmas," I really lost it. Gosh what's wrong with your family? No wait...don't answer that, we have toxic folks on our side too. (Shiver) Liz...remember...it's NOT you. You are beautiful, have a great head on your shoulders, one heck of a roundhouse kick from what I saw at the club, not to mention you just put on one of the most fantastic fund raisers the city has ever seen. Hey, my head is still spinning after that one. Cheer up girl! You have the photo shoot tomorrow,(oo la la), TWO dates coming down the pike with #12 and Mr. Wall Street, and then there are still 17 BIG, Wonderful, Fabulous, Fantastic days left to go. Let's think positive here. Let's say that you just got all of the garbage out of the way in the beginning of the journey and NOW you can look forward to the fun stuff. Don't forget the chocolate made with real sugar! "Tomorrow is another day!" Thumbs up, sister! ~Jen Red~
ReplyDeleteOh Jen, it sounds like you felt my pain. Toxic people, like my mother's meatloaf we just need to stay away from. Everytime we take one step forward they want to pull you two steps back. I was just unlucky to be born a Bennet, I guess. BUT, your post has lifted me high up. You have made me feel so much better! Thank you for that. I'm ready for what tomorrow will bring. I really don't need to be there, but I just heard from the Chairman of the Foundation that he cannot attend, so I'll go in his place. I'm sure Charlotte will need my help and someone has to greet the VIP.
DeleteI'll be looking at the candy assortment, but you know I can't touch or eat. I'm on a perpetual diet, ya' know. I've got to put my best professional foot forward at the photoshoot the press and Eyewitness News will be present. Thanks again my sweet friend. ~L
Lizzy, I'm so sorry your trip home turned out to be a fiasco. I'm so mad at your family! Only Mary showed any compassion--because the only way to handle your family is to be slightly intoxicated. (Mine, too).
ReplyDeleteplanet
Good luck with the photo shoot--loosen up and have some fun!
OMG! Planet, you know my sister Mary? Isn't she a dear. She and Jane are the only real normal ones in my family. I wish I can help her gain self confidence, but who am I to teach anyone. I have such a long way to go myself. Confident in business - yes. Confident in myself - not so much. Trust me when I tell you a fine bottle of Pinot Grigio was waiting for me back home. Thanks for checking in and giving me that little bolster. I'll let you know tomorrow how the shoot goes.
DeleteSave some of that PG for the photo shoot!
DeleteBlind dates are horrible! When family members do it, it's a recipe for disaster. You've mentioned Mr. December a few times, are you interested? Will you give him another chance?
ReplyDeleteHi Maggie! Blind dates are new to me, and not something I'm thrilled about, but I have a feeling that a couple more may be on the horizon.
DeleteThis is an interesting question about Mr. December and since I am being honest on this blog I will tell you that I am physically attracted to him. That's it. Period. He's dangerous. I believe him to be arrogant. He hasn't pursued me to begin with for me to give him another chance. I don't believe he is interested in anything more that jerking me around and probably having me jerk ... (you can finish that sentence.) Thanks so much for posting, Maggie. I hope to see you soon and I hope I answered your question. ~L
I'm so sorry that your family dinner turned out as badly as it did. Mr. Blind date sounds like a nightmare. Maybe it's not too bad that they all think that you're gay. Perhaps your mom will stop trying to set you up and slimy George will keep his hand off of your knee. (of course, another way to take care of that would be to stab him with your fork). It's not like you would have to actually date a woman...I really feel badly for you, it seems your holiday goes from bad to worse. Looking up though, is your date from the speed dating, maybe that will turn out well for you.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good sign when you look at your (blind) date and think about another guy. A good sign that you should try the 'other guy' for a change.
ReplyDeleteI think you've handled that all wrong Lizzy, with your mother and George, and J, and whoever. I would have taken the opportunity to say that yes, I'm a lesbian and no, I'm not interested in a threesome.
End of story. Oh well, I'm sure you'll have other opportunities to out yourself and get them off your back.
Flish - I have to disagree with you. With gay marriage legal now, Mrs. Bennet would be setting Lizzy up with every rather athletic woman she knows. I think honesty is the best policy even if the family is driving you nuts. It is possible to make it worse! lol
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