The Torture of Speed Dating - Attempt #2
Oh. My. God! Dear intrepid daters, we need to talk about speed dating and not just any old speed dating but the themed event I went to last night by 'On Speed Dating', three-minute dating.
First off, let me preface that I was abandoned by Charlotte - who clearly turned traitor and high-tailed it out of there, stating an emergency with a guy. Judging from the whopping red suck mark on her neck, I know exactly what guy. None other than our client! Well, I am happy for her. Charlotte deserves every joy and excitement that life can give her, and the man she has taken to calling "Preppy" is perfect for her. I love that girl like a sister. If she can effectively mix business with pleasure, good for her. Clearly in that area, she's more proficient than I am. It would only result in disaster if I attempted it.
For those of you who were brave enough to chew me out for my behavior to Mr. Grinch, thank you for your feedback. In truth - this is a dating blog - and that was business, I never should have blogged about it and at the least I should have demonstrated more civility - let alone charity and certainly more Christmas spirit. But ... after tonight, that world and my dating world have now collided. More on that later.
Well, let's get back to Charlotte and her well-intentioned, devious little mind. LOL. After ripping apart my sister's expensive designer dress that was loaned to me, Charlotte transformed me into someone I barely recognized and believe you me, friends, I felt like a candy cane ready for the licking. I felt uncomfortable and exposed in so many ways.
Now let me preface, before I launch into my soliloquy of my speed dating experience, that just because I didn't care for the process doesn't mean others won't. There is a lid for every pot, and speed dating and online personal ads may work successfully for many singles out there. IMHO it's just hard to find out anything about anyone in three minutes. So - you guessed it - I went with a carefully planned list of questions to ask. Charlotte helped me put it together.
The evening was probably one of the worst and funniest experiences of my life.
Number one three-minute dater who I will call Mumbles (names will always be been changed to protect the men.) I could hardly hear him when he said he suffers from Christmasophobia and phonophobia and ran out of his Cymbalta five days ago. If felt terrible for this man, just terrible. He was terrified with fear of either speaking or enjoying the holiday season. I thought perhaps that online dating would be better suited for him, but then again, it didn't work for me.
Number two: Self-absorbed Guido, poker player who was more obsessed with getting to know my girls than getting to know me. I could hardly contain myself from beating the crud out of him when he called them chimmy changas.
Number three: Obviously took the themed event name of 'Size Matters' a little too literally Although I must admit, Dick's little tape measure demonstration did cause me to raise an eyebrow in both curiosity and intrigue, but that's just my pervy mind talking.
Number seven: Toni was a woman dressed as a man - need I say more?
Number twelve: A self-made millionaire. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, great, right? Not so much. How did he make his million? Internet porn. His ex-girlfriend has a camera set up in her house and for $200 a month you, too, can watch her and her three roommates enjoy one another. So Peeping Tom was obviously off my list of possible suitors, too.
And now we get to Number 16: Where shall I begin? For those of you who read yesterday's post, by now you probably have that little Dr. Seuss song playing ad-infinitum in your head. Need a refresher? Mr. Grinch. Yes, that's right ladies. Mr. Grinch was number 16. How, you ask? Most likely Charlotte. She set me up!
But let me break here and say that a little marketing idea did pop into my head while faced with the hunky firefigher:
Hot Firefighter Speed Dating
So let's get down to the specifics of our three-minute date, while putting aside all mention of his hot bod, stylish dress, and killer dimpled smile - did I mention the laugh? Swoon worthy, truly.
Lovely ladies and maybe gents, too, you would be pleased to know that I was prepared to apologize and most definitely offer condolences, but with only three minutes, we forged right into the date and then quickly seemed to begin where we left off on Wednesday night.
I concede, initially he had been charming. I think he felt bad about his rudeness and insults during the night we met. I had almost succumbed to his sincere answer to my question, and his compliments toward my appearance, but when he grabbed my list and sat on it, insisting for what he called 'real conversation', I knew he was attempting to get my ire up again.
That's when things heated up between us. He became antagonistic, mocking, yet all of it behind his smile.
After our three minutes of banter, I was left wondering if he was toying with me, deliberately provoking me, maybe even using a play from my ex-boyfriend's game - tease and eventually use me. The moment our hands brushed against one another and later that night, upon leaving, when he helped me into my coat, I felt that danger lie ahead. Warning bells went off loud and clear, not the pretty little speed dating ding, but loud clanging bells that screamed "heartbreak ahead." Someone like him - a liar - with an ego and arrogance such as his, certainly wouldn't honestly be interested in me. We are like oil and water. He would not be the ideal man to take home to Meryton. It's just as well - I must keep this professional and I will be seeing him often at these calendar events. I think the evening ended amicably, at least I hope so. The Foundation's 2014 fundraiser is too important.
I didn't check his box for a match, but I did check the box for two other men there. Nice men, men who appeared honest and genuine. Perhaps men of character.
Well, I suppose in the name of peace and goodwill to men, it is incumbent upon me to stop calling him Mr. Grinch now. So here is my song, "Zat You Santa Claus?":
Oh, Lizzy. You should wear contacts more often and a softer look to your hair looks great. You are really lovely. Don't. Sell yourself short. Mr. Hotty might really be interested though I can understand wanting to keep it professional. Good luck with the nice guys. Hope one of them is a match.
ReplyDeleteKmeint01
Aw, thank you!! You're very sweet. Frankly, I feel safe behind my glasses in my professional world protected from the pain of heartbreak. And truth be told, can't a man be attracted to me as I am? It certainly gives me something to think about and judging from the reactions at the pub tonight, I might have to think real hard! ~L
DeleteOh Liz you checked 2 boxes but those two men were so interesting you didn't tell us anything about them? Now why if the Grinch wanted a real conversation with you enough to take your notes and sit on them (rofl by the way) would you think that he was trying to raise your ire???
ReplyDeleteLet go of your ex, learn from the experience but allow others a chance. You are a beautiful woman as evident from the pic you attached and any man would be lucky YES I said LUCKY to have you!
Someone Else Mother
You're right S.E.M. I didn't tell you! See, "Mr. December" has me so unfocused!! Well, the first man is a Bond Trader on Wall Street, athletic and good humored. The other man was 6' 5" and a cardiologist at New York Hospital. A dreamboat that my mother surely couldn't object to! He has a very nice smile and asked excellent questions from his own list! We'll see what happens, maybe they will check my box as 'match', too.
DeleteAbout the pad of lists. He was mocking my lists before he swiped them. He knew I was relying on them! You see, SEM, the lessons I learned from my ex are invaluable. They have taught me to look out, with caution, for men who demonstrate the same behavior. Mr. December has an arrogance and ego that screams volumes.
I appreciate, from my heart, your kindness and wisdom. Your children are so blessed to have you as their mother. If only my own had given me advice along the way, my heart might be more open. Thanks!! ~ Liz
Did your ex start off by antagonizing you? Or did that develop after the relationship began and he thought you wouldn't run out on him? Not everyone who gets under your skin has the same motivations as one loser.
ReplyDeleteHow long did you overhear him talking about you the other night? Because you seemed to have come up with a strong opinion of him in a very short amount of time and yet when it comes to the idea of speed dating you think you can't know a person very quickly. Which is it?
And what makes you think he's a liar? And if he had such a giant ego and was so arrogant, why did he even bother trying to speak with you? I see you overheard him talking to someone else, I'm confused as to why you would care, but how did he treat her? If he's the stud you say he is then he wouldn't have trouble finding a date, so why would he focus so much negative attention on you?
At any rate, I'm glad the evening wasn't a to total bust and that you had some good interactions with some men that certainly seem less complicated than your calendar hottie (what are we calling him now?). I can't imagine how nervous you must have been before Charlotte attacked your clothes and abandoned you.
What's the next dating adventure?
Oh boy, Rose! Are you trying to antagonize me? You sound very much like a black widow. If I didn't know any better I would think you know Mr. December because in almost every post you are not giving me an inch, but rather seem to be holding my face to the fire. Of course, the written word is always difficult to decipher when we don't see the raised eyebrows or hear the inflection behind a word. There is no body language. So in this case I am assuming that your three minutes of writing could very well be misunderstood. Which brings us to the point at hand - Mr. December. I probably overheard him and his cousin discuss me for near three minutes. I saw his body language and the downturn of his lips. I experienced the biting disdain in his voice when he called me a man hater, a bookish professional reject that other men wouldn't want. I felt the sting of his sexist opinion of calling me a "girl" like I was inexperienced in my profession. I stand by my claim that you cannot know someone in a three minute speed dating, but you can see the warmth of a smile, hear the genuine interest, and tell that the person is putting his best foot forward. As for Mr. December 'bothering to speak to me,' he had no choice, I was next in line. I'm confused where you got your information about my overhearing his conversation with another, which only further supports my claim that perhaps you know him and he told you of his speed dating experience and my conversation with him. He lied when he told his date what he did for a living. I can only surmise it was to make himself appear someone he is not. Personally, I think his true profession is a noble one and it causes me to ponder why he would conceal it. Is that Character?
DeleteI also stand by my claim that he is a stud. His negative attention toward me, I can only assume has either to do with his purported claims of having met me in the club, a question I specifically asked that he did not.answer.
For the record, I was prepared and began my three minute date with the best of intentions. There were moments when he surprised me, but his sarcasm and even at one point laughing at my being snubbed by another date, were uncalled for. He wanted a peace accord, which I was willing to give, but he didn't let up. He was a boy pulling my pig tail.
So what is it Rose? Do you love stirring the pot or are you genuinely offering me advice? Do you know Mr. December and are in cahoots in trying to make me feel even more miserable about my worth, my career, my image, my endeavor to help the Foundation than he did?
I appreciate your candor. That is always a good thing. However, I didn't expect for a reader to be so ANTI everything I have shared from my heart about my feelings. You do know that feelings just are and they don't need to be explained to anyone, right? ~L
No, I certainly do not know Mr. December. VA is a long way from NYC, but perhaps I've met a few like him and have made some of my own mistakes that I see you making.
DeleteI did say I realize that you were probably really nervous and a wreck before Charlotte stripped you down and abandoned you.
You told Jen Red that he was mocking your list before he swiped them and I thought you meant that he was mocking you to another. And you mentioned that he is a liar so you must have overheard him misrepresent himself to another woman because the only other time you heard him speak was in the presence of his cousin and he wouldn't be able to lie in front of him. BTW, some people work more than one job. In fact, some don't consider fire fighting an occupation at all.
And no man ever has to speak to a woman. If he didn't want to say something he wouldn't have bothered. I've been married almost 10 years. If they have nothing to say, nothing is going to be said. He couldn't have been speaking just to be civil since it sounds like he wasn't.
Well, actually it doesn't sound like he was so bad. I'm sorry to say, I didn't want to diss your list since I'm a list girl too, but you can't find romance through a list. It might not be Mr. December but out of all those men you met last night who did you have an actual reaction to one or was it all sensible meeting of the criteria from the list? I understand wanting a positive reaction, looking for that lightning bolt sensation, that tingling feeling, your breath quickens, your heart rate increases and it not be from ire. But I think you are afraid of any of that and are only willing to consider a man who is safe from exciting those feelings of loss of control.
I do recognize feelings just are and I never said you couldn't feel how you do, but it doesn't hurt to take a second look as to why you are feeling the way you do, especially when you are blasting another person all over the internet. And most of what you say is total conjecture as to his motivations behind his behavior. You are not being fair and I think you know it and that's why you're so defensive. And if you ever would talk about someone else, I could too.
And I'm not sure we're reading about your feelings or just your reactions. Feelings tend to run deep, there are deep reasons for our reactions and all I'm reading is strong reactions but not a lot of explanation as to why you react the way you do. We all meet jerks and I'm sure you've met plenty even since your ex but I imagine that you do not always react this way. But this Mr. December has really gotten to you and I find that really interesting because you are much more invested in speaking on that cataloging your dates or interactions with other men. I guess I want a real conversation on the real Liz too, which is probably too much for a blog. But I'm tempted to take your list away and sit on it too. But maybe I'll just keep my thoughts to myself from now on.
Oh Lizzy, don't get offended! Rose means well! Just telling it straight.
DeleteFrom reading your post I also don't get how Mr Grinch was mean this time. If he took your list away (ok, a bit privacy-invasive) and insisted on a real conversation, I think it shows his sincerity in getting to really know you.
How did he lie to you? You haven't told us in your blog.
Take a deep breath, or two, and just chant to yourself that you have to work with him, so remember your professionalism.
Good luck on those 2 other men that you made Matches with. Maybe one of them will indeed be your Xmas date.
Your readers are behind you......please don't be riled at them.
X
Gosh Liz, I hardly know what to say. Somehow I was under the impression that speed dating was 6 minutes. And even that is short. So...if the two guys checked off your box, what comes next? Do you meet for drinks or something or go on a real date. Trust me, drinks would be safer. Even if they seemed great at the club, an hour spent together might be a little risky. I know, you could always have Char hang out in the wings and you could give her the high sign if you need rescuing. That is unless she brings along Mr. Preppy. Speaking of...that was pretty low setting you up for someone you clearly dislike. But wait...you said DIMPLES!!!! I knew it! I knew it!!!! Like I said all "hot" guys have 'em. You should have taken my advice and given him chocolate...ah but then again you didn't know he would be there. Well...bring some along to your next bus. meeting and he acts up shove some in his mouth and see if he cracks before giving him the Karate chop. Anyway, keep us posted. We are all rooting for you girl! ~Jen Red~
ReplyDeleteHi Jen Red, Some are even one minute. Charlotte tells that the slogan is "In a New York Minute." Clever huh? Well you ask a great question about checking boxes. When i got home I logged into my profile on On Speed's website, and I checked "Match" for the two guys. Then we'll hopefully email each other if he checked "match" too. We'll make a date and then go from there, hopefully getting to know one another and see if there is something to pursue.
DeleteHOLD THAT THOUGHT! ... I see I have an email. Wait here, I'll be back ...
It's the Bond Trader, woo hoo!!!! He wants to go bowling on Friday the 13th - no I'm not even going to think about that - the day that is.
Great idea about asking Char to hang out "just in case." Although I hate to burden her with everything. On the q.t, she is really taken with Preppy, and I don't want my mission to find a date to get in the way of a romantic Christmas season.
Yes, dimples. You're good! Beautiful dimples and the laugh ... Please don't get me started. I think you are trying to get me to fall for him. Beautiful men and plain Lizzy just don't go well together. Trust me, he'd only use me and dump me. Been there, done that.
Chocolate, huh? You know Jen Red, I like you. You're a woman who takes action.
Thanks for the cheers!
I've never gone speed-dating - but, in the course of blind dates and set-ups, I've had my fair share of similar "experiences".
ReplyDeleteOne I can clearly recall... the guy was horribly late for a lunch date, good thing it was a Saturday! Then, he proceeded to goad me into eating ribs with my hands (note: i do eat with my hands, no problem), implying that 'real down-to-earth' ladies are not afraid to get their hands dirty. But - 'my courage rises at every attempt to intimidate me' - and at my snobbiest, I refused and said I can "perfectly use the provided utensils, thank you very much - I do the same even while eating crab."
UGH! Men and their games! Of course... there was this guy I called Mr. Octopus... too many arms, it seemed. And another I had to fend off for 3 years who can't stop talking about racing cars and engines... I go, "Umm.. what again?" Literally, racing cars, engines and later on, planes were all we, I mean, he talked about.
So, I totally sympathize!
But hey... where do I sign up for the HOT Firefighter Speed Dating? If nothing else... they're worth drooling over!
Wow, what a coincidence that Mr December was at the dating event. Do you think Charlotte set you up? Didn't you say she was "prepping" your client, the guy she's now calling Preppy (he knows Mr. Hot firefighter, right?)? But why would she do that when she knows how you both clashed the other night?
ReplyDeleteI don't know Liz, it seems to me you're more attracted to this guy than you'd like to admit. He seems to have gotten under your skin like none other. Were you able to overhear his conversation with the woman next to you? Was he as arrogant as he was with you? Maybe he's having the same problem you're having: maybe you got under his skin and he's trying to deny it by antagonizing you. You know, like a defensive mechanism; you know, like 5-yo boys pulling on girls' pigtails...lol
Another thing, be careful not to compare every confident, self-assured man you meet with your ex. You might overlook someone who is worth it because at first look that self-confidence seems like arrogance or another bad trait.
Doctors work too much, you wouldn't have time together.
Now, tell us more about this hot firefighter speed dating. If they're all as good looking as Mr. Dimples I'm in! lol
Good luck, hon!
Tailine
Liz, while Mr December may seem like a pain - at least he isn't trying to seduce you with charm and nice words - you are seeing something real - hey and remember you gave him a dose of that too! Beneath the banter I think lurks something more, genuine and steadfast. Besides you couldn't keep your eyes and ears of him (and that dimple!!!!) - and from the signals he was sending seems it was much the same his end. t know I hide behind my glasses and tie my hair back - but I will let my hair fly loose more often if you will…and I think Mr December will notice - give him a chance at least.
ReplyDeleteBTW - I would Google the electronics company - that way you may find out a little more information - just a thought.
Cute coat! Sorry your dates didn't go as well as you would have liked but you have to admit that the last date did have some interesting moments. You have to get back out there and take a chance!
ReplyDeleteBetter luck tomorrow!
Dana
I forgot to say it earlier, but your coat is very cute and you look lovely. I saw your comment to Jen Red that you think you're plain. You're so wrong! And don't I always tell you when I think you're wrong? Your legs are phenomenal and your lips have a seductive pout. You look sexy, in a coat, and I bet you didn't even try. Just let yourself be who you are. Confidence, not arrogance or conceit, is sexy.
ReplyDelete